Daily Struggles...

Listen for the music in all things and life will be a sympony of joy......We may not have it all together, but together we have it all....Never get so busy making a living that you forget to make a life....YOU are the author of your own life story....God talks to little boys while they are fishing....When I die, bury me in the woods so my husband will hunt for me...We make a living by what we get, we make a life by what we give.....We do not remember days, we remember moments.....The best thing to hold in life is each other.....Always kiss me good night....and in the morning too.....Life is not measured by how many breaths you take, but by how many moments take your breath away.

These are all signs hanging in my house. Little reminders on a daily basis of what my life has offered me, and I have thankfully recieved. Too often, we forget what it is to be thankful, and focus on the negativity that life has handed us instead. I know I have done that many times myself and, for once, I am going to focus on NOT focusing on the negative.


Thirteen years of ups and downs, and I would NOT have had my life any other way.
I have become who I am now because of the life that I have led....even if people don't understand some of the choices I have made. In the end, the people that are meant to be in my life will be there, all judegements aside. And I will know who was true.

I am blessed with three of the most amazing children, who have been through more in their short little lives than most adults I know. They are strong, they are beautiful, they are the reason that I get out of my bed each morning, and say a prayer each night that God watches over them.

I am blessed with a man that loves me...unconditionally. Regardless of my mood, my shape, my size, my hair color, or my insanity that sometimes takes over in a fit of rage. He brings out my best, and he can sometimes bring out my worse. But in the end, when all is said and done, there is not ONE person in this world that I would want by my side, walking through this life with me. He is my heart...times infinity times google.

I am blessed with good family and good friends. I have people that know I am crazy, and still love me nonetheless. Who have stood by me through bad and good decisions, and moments of pure loss of judgement where even I didn't know what in the world I was talking about. Who have laughed with me, who have cried with me, who have been there when I least expected it, and who have come when I didn't think they even knew I was hurting.

I was diagnosed with severe depression, insomnia, severe anxiety and panic disorder back in January of this year. Since then, there have been many changes. Not only in my life, but in the life of those around me. When people are alone, or think they are alone, there is no hope.
I have hope.
I have the hope that someday, I will be able to get out of my bed, and not have my body feel like that of a ninety year old woman from all of the aches and pains that I should not have at my ripe old age of 35.
I have hope that this war will end. That somehow, someway, all of the prayers that have been been said will be answered.
I have hope that I have taught my children how to be good people, and that people can see that, even when I am not there to put them back in place.
I have hope that they will find a cure for fibromyalgia.
I have hope that they will find a cure for NF.
I have hope that in time, the peace that I am trying to find will surround me.

So, until that day comes, I will be thankful, and I will remember that I am blessed. I will read my little signs all over my little house each morning when I wake up and am walking around fuzzy eyed with my perfect coffee that my little girl made me. And, each night before I go to bed, I will do the same, and then I will say a prayer, thanking God for giving me this beautiful disaster of a life that I have...because without it, I would not know who I was or where I was going....